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Are Childless Couples Happier Than Parents?
Studies show that having children doesn’t necessarily make you a happier person.
30-Second Summary
Some recent studies on parenthood indicate that childless individuals are happier than those with kids.
“Parents experience lower levels of emotional well-being, less frequent positive emotions and more frequent negative emotions than their childless peers,” reported sociology professor Robin Simon.
Some parents may bristle at that idea, but psychology professor Dr. Daniel Gilbert explains that professionals aren’t saying parents don’t love their children. “Of course you love your children beyond measure! And kids do bring joy,” Gilbert adds. “It’s just that children do not increase your average daily enjoyment.”
Lysette Butler said that even 10 years ago she faced accusations of being selfish for choosing not to have children. However, she just attributed the remarks to envy.
“When you are a harassed mum it must be difficult not to feel a bit of jealousy about couples who don’t endure the sleepless nights or the stress and financial drain that children represent.”
“Societal ills aside, perhaps we also expect too much from the promise of parenting,” suggested Lorraine Ali of Newsweek.
People are getting married and having children later in life, which comparatively may make shuttling kids to various activities less exciting than past experiences.
The answer may lie in the definition of happiness, said Karen Reivich, a research associate at the University of Pennsylvania’s Positive Psychology Center.
“Happiness is more than just that smiley feeling,” Reivich explained. “It’s also feeling a connection to something larger than yourself. When people are in service to something bigger, they describe their lives as filled with meaning. It’s not the smiley face, but when it’s all over, you realize you’d do it again.”
“Parents experience lower levels of emotional well-being, less frequent positive emotions and more frequent negative emotions than their childless peers,” reported sociology professor Robin Simon.
Some parents may bristle at that idea, but psychology professor Dr. Daniel Gilbert explains that professionals aren’t saying parents don’t love their children. “Of course you love your children beyond measure! And kids do bring joy,” Gilbert adds. “It’s just that children do not increase your average daily enjoyment.”
Lysette Butler said that even 10 years ago she faced accusations of being selfish for choosing not to have children. However, she just attributed the remarks to envy.
“When you are a harassed mum it must be difficult not to feel a bit of jealousy about couples who don’t endure the sleepless nights or the stress and financial drain that children represent.”
“Societal ills aside, perhaps we also expect too much from the promise of parenting,” suggested Lorraine Ali of Newsweek.
People are getting married and having children later in life, which comparatively may make shuttling kids to various activities less exciting than past experiences.
The answer may lie in the definition of happiness, said Karen Reivich, a research associate at the University of Pennsylvania’s Positive Psychology Center.
“Happiness is more than just that smiley feeling,” Reivich explained. “It’s also feeling a connection to something larger than yourself. When people are in service to something bigger, they describe their lives as filled with meaning. It’s not the smiley face, but when it’s all over, you realize you’d do it again.”
Headline Link: Parental happiness
Many parents will seldom “cop to feeling depressed due to the everyday rigors of child rearing,” writes Newsweek. However, more American parents work out of the home and have less support from their extended family network. This, along with the reality that raising a child from birth to age 17 costs anywhere from $134,370 to $237,520 (excluding school or college tuition), makes child rearing more complex and more expensive.
Source: Newsweek
Related Topics: Europeans having fewer children
Around the world, and particularly in Europe, birthrates have dropped significantly. In Germany, which is facing an annual population loss of approximately 100,000, family minister Ursula von der Leyen said the country would have to “turn out the light” if it didn’t address its birth rate soon. “Europe is infected by a strange lack of desire for the future,” Pope Benedict XVI stated in 2006. “Children, our future, are perceived as a threat to the present.”
Source: The New York Times Magazine
Reactions: Thoughts about parenting
In The Juggle, a blog discussing the challenges of managing work and parenthood, writer Sara Schaefer Munoz says, “I think it’s worth reminding ourselves that any problems stemming from balancing work and family are good ones to have.” Munoz quotes a woman struggling with infertility who said her regrets about never becoming a parent were that she would be “missing out on lifestyle factors, the first day of school, mother’s day,” and other “little things that people take for granted.”
Source: The Juggle
Some adults don’t regret their decision to have children, but others say they do. “I’ve certainly had no regrets,” said Lindsey Hilsum, a foreign correspondent from the U.K. “What rarely gets mentioned are the number of women who do regret having children. I’ve known women who have felt like that, but obviously that is not an easy opinion for a mother to voice.”
Source: The Telegraph
Opinion & Analysis: Examining parenting and happiness
“Conventional wisdom dictates that people become parents because children bring joy,” according to Psychology Today. In a study about parenting and happiness, Hans-Peter Kohler of the University of Pennsylvania found that parents of one child are happier than their childless counterparts. However, having more than one child didn’t increase parental happiness at all.
Source: Psychology Today
Child rearing often tops a person’s list as one of the most enjoyable aspects of life, according to Parents.com, but parenthood is not without its emotional strains. In fact, when asked to rank life’s pleasures, some mothers placed parenting below eating, watching television, or exercising. Child care was just slightly higher than working and even commuting.
Source: Parents.com
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